In order to be a good friend certain skills must be developed and used in the sharing of life with one another. These skills include . . .
- Being genuinely interested in others,
- Having fun together,
- Trustworthiness (in actions and words),
- Being positive,
- Focusing on the strengths of the person,
- Minimizing weaknesses in your friend,
- Setting and following good boundaries,
- Sharing your own thoughts, feelings and needs on a regular basis,
- and when necessary rebuking and forgiving others in gentleness and love.
This sharing involves having something in common beyond ourselves. These areas are location, interests, needs and feelings. I also look at the other person’s integrity and religious views. The more we have in common across these areas, the more intimate the relationship will be.
In the past my relationships have tended to be one-sided where I did most of the listening and helping. In other words, I was more like a counselor than a friend. People would say that I was their best friend, but I did not have reciprocal feelings because I had not equally shared my needs and feelings. I am no longer content with having these types of relationships for the majority of my relationships. So, I have been forcing myself to take my turn at sharing (with safe people of course).
Instead of always turning the conversation away from me, I’ve been staying on my topic (about a need or feeling) until I am done. Or I take a risk and come back to that topic until it is resolved. My safe people have surprised me with how much they love and like me and encourage me in truth-telling. I have shared my difficulty with some of these people so they help me stay on topic as well. Not only have I felt much closer to these folks, I have found some resolution for some issues as well. In addition, they have said that they feel closer to me too.
Your Turn . . .
- Do you have good friends to share your life with?
- What do you think it takes to be a good friend?
- Which trait(s) do you especially value?
- What are you doing to grow in your ability to be a good friend?
Related Posts . . .
- 10 Things I Like About My Best Friend
- 15 Things Real Friends Do Differently (from Marc and Angel Hack Life)
- 25 Ways to be a Friend (From Chasing Blue Skies blog)
- Do You Have a Highlight in Your Life?
- Get Busy Making Some History With a Friend
- There Can Be No Trust When Perfection is Your Goal
All women are invited to attend the Christmas regifting party in Rudat Hall. Bring a friend. Bring a plate of hors d’oeuvres. And finally bring one wrapped gift for the regifting exchange.
There are 4 rules for the regifting exchange.
Rule 1. Please do not buy this gift.
Rule 2. Bring a past gift that you cannot use or some other item that is no longer wanted or needed in your home.
Rule 3. Silly, unusual, useless, or elegant items are all acceptable gifts.
Rule 4. Just don’t buy it.
In addition to snacking well and having fun, Pamela Finney will encourage us with her devotional on regifting. Pamela explains, “Regifting—the act of giving to someone a gift one has received but does not want. Well, I have chosen to regift some of the things that I have received from God and have welcomed into my life and want to not only keep but also share with others: the gifts of . . .
- servitude, and
- desire for what really matters.
Come on Saturday, December 4th at 2 pm to receive these gifts and learn how to do your own “regifting.” Call Susan at 635-5992, if you have any questions.
In 2008 while in seminary (Western Seminary) I took a class on Loving God and Loving Others. Two of the books we had to read (and then summarize) were Becoming a Godly Wife and Becoming a Godly Husband. The summary for Becoming a Godly Wife is here. This is my summary of Becoming a Godly Husband.
Jokes abound on how hard it is for a husband to understand his wife, please her, or to love her in a way that matters to her. This book, Becoming a Godly Husband by Dr. Gil Stieglitz, takes the mystery out of these worthwhile and marriage-changing endeavors. By following the advice written in the form of the acrostic H.U.S.B.A.N.D., men can successfully understand, please, and love their wives in ways that matter to them. The acrostic stands for H-honor, U – Understanding, S – Security, B – Building Unity, A – Agreement, N – Nurture, D – Defender.
This book gives men practical tips and exercises. If followed, husbands can “encourage, develop and release [their wives] to achieve [their] maximum potential for the glory of God” (11). A great side benefit is that the wives will learn it is safe to trust, respect, and follow their husbands.
As a woman I had conflicting emotions while reading the book. I felt like I was being treated like a child needing the guidance of someone “older and wiser telling me what to do” in order to successfully navigate life. And paradoxically I found myself yearning for this type of relationship.
I reacted to the material in this fashion for three reasons.
- Society. I had subconsciously adopted society’s message that there are no differences between men and women (roles, abilities, reactions, etc.). In this context that would mean that a husband does not have a particular ministry for and obligation to his wife and visa-versa.
- Sadness. Reading the various points and examples of the acrostic showed me how my marriage was not like this. I would have liked to feel emotionally, physically, and spiritually secure with my husband. I am sad that we did not have the material from this book.
- Doubt. According to the marriage models I’ve seen, I doubt that many husbands would be interested enough or motivated enough to make these godly husband principles a part of their long-term thinking /behaviors. Although, I would love to see marriages operate this way.
Obviously since I am not a man or a husband, I cannot use these principles in a marriage. But I have started using the points in the book as journal prompts. In journaling these issues I am seeing more clearly my false ideas and where forgiveness for my ex and even for myself needs to take place. I am very sad while journaling, but I am hoping that someday I will be released from the pain as I truthfully face these issues of abandonment. I am also praying the principles for my son for when he gets married (no plans yet).
 And the material from Becoming a Godly Wife
PostScript: It is now November 2010 and I am doing okay. God has been faithful in this healing journey I’ve been on.
Small Group signups will begin Sunday, December 5, 2010. Look for signup sheets and more information in Rudat Hall.
These Sunday Groups Start January 23, 2011.
- The Smart Stepfamily: Seven Steps to a Healthy Family – Mark and Michelle will lead this 8 week DVD group at the 9:30 hour. The workbook is $5.00. The book costs $14.00 and is optional. You can get it on Amazon.com. Please pay by January 16th for the workbook.
- Marriage Built to Last – Grant and Jodi will lead this 6 week DVD group at the 9:30 hour. The cost of the book is $15.00. Please pay for your book by January 16th.
- Living a Purpose Driven Life – Pamela will lead a 6 week group through this book at the 11:00 hour. No charge for the book.
- 4. Introduction to Greek – Andrew will be teaching this 16 week 90 minute class on Sunday mornings at the 11:00 hour. This language class requires the student to complete weekly homework, quizzes and tests. But by the end of the course, you’ll be able to translate large portions of 1st John! It will be at the 11:00 hour and run from 11:00 am -12:30 pm.. Bring your textbooks to the first class.
Required: A New Testament Greek Primer by S. M. Baugh, 2nd edition (Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R Publishing, 2009)–Available on Amazon.com for ~$20; CBD.com for ~$23
Highly Recommended: The Greek New Testament w/ Dictionary (United Bible Societies, 4th Edition)–Available on Amazon.com for ~$32; CBD.com for ~$32
These Wednesday Groups Start January 26, 2011.
- 66 Love Letters: A Conversation with God That Invites You into His Story by Dr. Larry Crabb – Carol will lead women through the Bible one love letter at a time. It will be at CNC from 7-8:30 pm. RSVP for childcare. The cost of the book is $20.00. Please pay for your book by January 9, 2011.
- Pastor’s Class – Pastor Mike and Robin invite you to attend a 5 week small group at their home. You will hear about the current ministries of CNC and Pastor’s vision for our future. You will also have an opportunity to ask questions. It is held in their home from 6-8:30 pm and includes dinner. RSVP for childcare. The first group meets Wednesday January 26, 2011.
If you have any questions about hosting a small group in your home, or leading a small group, contact me, Susan Wright, today! I can be reached atSusan@cnchurch.org or 635-5992 x 14.
Recycling – it’s good for the planet, but…..
it’s even better for the Women’s Ministry Team.
Over the past 6 months your generous donations of old cell phones and empty printer ink cartridges have provided over 80% of the price of a retreat scholarship for one lucky woman at CNC. With your continued generosity we will be able to send several women to retreat who otherwise would not be able to afford to attend.
We can accept the following items for recycling:
- Cell phones
- Laptop computers
- Digital and video cameras
- MP3 Players
- Inkjet cartridges – these fit in your palm (no Toner cartridges)
- GPS devices
- Radar Detectors
- Electronic book readers
Thank you so much for remembering us when you are replacing your cell phone or your inkjet print cartridge. Our container sits near the water fountain next t0 room 8 (the old office). Please recycle whenever you can – we really appreciate your support.
Women’s Ministry will even pick up your donations. If you want to arrange a donation pick up or have any questions, call Marsha at 635-5992.
This new small group, Becoming a Godly Wife, starts next week at CNC at the 9:30 hour. Below is the schedule. If you have questions, contact either Sandra Cowell or me at 635-5992.
|Date of Group Meeting: Sundays at 9:30 a.m. CNC
|November 14, 2010
|November 21, 2010
|November 28, 2010
|December 5, 2010
|December 12, 2010
|December 19, 2010
|December 26, 2010
|January 2, 2011
||Attractive Soul and Body
|January 9, 2011
|January 16, 2011- Last Group
|January 23, 2011 – New Group
||New Group Offered
Constant pain makes me feel crazy-grouchy. These past 5 weeks have been a challenge to my health both physical and emotional on account of tendinitis in my left shoulder. My shoulder had been painful on and off for about 6 weeks before the pain became excruciating and constant. When the pain became unremitting I knew I had a serious problem. And so started my journey into wellness. Again. (I had a back injury several years ago.)
I tried many things (all safe) with a questioning mind. Below are 19 things I did or am still doing to deal with the tendinitis. Some things worked right away, but most took time. I don’t know if my results are typical are not. I do know that I had to have patience and diligence in order to get to the point where I am today. There is a noticeable ache (half the day) in my shoulder with jabs of pain when I move the arm in a way not appreciated.
- Chiropractic Care. This is where I started. I went to the doctor who treated my back injury several years ago, Dr. Chris Bambus. In addition to adjustments he also does Myofascial Release Therapy. He works on the knotted muscles by applying pressure to them. This article here gives a good explanation of trigger points. Here is a cool video showing what this is about.
- Interferencial Current Therapy. I also get this treatment at my chiropractor’s office. It is a creepy crawly sensation delivered to the shoulder muscles via electrodes. This therapy is meant to help with pain management. I have not noticed an immediate reduction in pain after the therapy. But I am willing to try all safe avenues to help with pain relief.
- MSM Powder. According to the research MSM helps with inflammation and pain relief. I take vitamin C (also in powder form) with this. I have not noticed that it reduces the pain. I keep on taking it because I know that supplements often take at least a month of use before any difference is noted. I also read that MSM smooths out wrinkles. Now that would be a good side benefit. I buy the MSM from my chiropractor’s office.
- Epsom Salt Bath Soaks. This provides relief every time. I use 1 cup of salts in a hot bath and I soak for 20 minutes. I usually take a nap afterwards. I am investigating other types of additions to the water to see if or how they can help.
- Vitamin Supplementation. Since the Epsom salts soak helps every time, Dr. Bambus wondered if I have a magnesium deficiency. Since I don’t take vitamins, he suggested I take magnesium with calcium tablet. Please don’t leave a comment telling me how I should be taking vitamins a-z. I know I should take more. This is a process and at least I am taking these.
- Ice and Heat. I do this at least 3 times a day in the manner prescribed by my chiropractor. The icing feels particularly good on the deltoid muscle and on my wrist. This also helps relieve pain every time I use it.
- More Rest.I am not a great sleeper and have had sleep issues for years. But even if I am not sleeping, I can rest. I am making myself get more rest by going to bed earlier and taking naps when possible. I always told my children that they grew and healed while sleeping. While I may not be growing while sleeping, I am hopefully healing.
- Stretching Exercises. I am doing the ones suggested by my chiropractor. If it is painful, I stop. The exercises came from a book by Bob and Jean Anderson titiled, Stretching.
- Mechanical Aids. A hand-held massager (thanks Marsha for lending me yours) and a massaging chair (named Olga which is at my sister’s home) have provided some great massages. Both feel great. When I visited my dd she paid for me to have a massage. Oh man, did that ever help too!
- Hang my arm. I’ve noticed that I tend to keep my arm crooked at a 90 degree angle. So whenever I can, I hang it down, like when I am driving or walking. I like the feel of this gentle stretch.
- Work Environment Assessment. While most of my work-life I’ve been able to be ergonomically incorrect, my body (at least my left shoulder) won’t tolerate this anymore. So I looked at my office to see what I could do to be more kind to my body. I.e I lowered my keyboard, take 30 second stretch breaks once an hour, and am sitting on an exercise ball instead of a chair.
- Taping. I am an athlete! At least my left shoulder is. It is taped (by the chiropractor) like an injured athlete’s shoulder would be taped. This is supposed to immobilize the muscle so that it can rest and not strain itself. Mark (my b-i-l) was a gymnast in college and says this helped them whenever they had injured muscles and tendons which was like all the time. I don’t notice that it makes a difference, but it is free, not invasive, and doesn’t hurt.
- Pay Attention. I hold my stress in my shoulders. Evidently I hunch up my shoulders when feeling stressed. So throughput the day I do a stress spot check to see how I am doing. If my shoulders are high, I consciously stretch and then lower them towards the ground.
- Arm Sling. I never realized how much I use my left arm/hand. If I was to take a lie detector test before this injury, I would have sworn in good conscience that I hardly ever use my left limb. Wearing the sling made me more conscious of my movements and it helps me to not use the left arm. Thanks Marsha for letting me borrow this.
- Expectations. I am learning to lower them. I cannot and should not carry things that are heavy. I either need to get help or take more trips to transport the groceries, items for Goodwill, or stuff to and from work.
- Positive Attitude. I remind myself that this is a temporary situation. I tell myself I can handle anything for 3 months. (I just picked a number.) If the pain is still severe after 3 months, then I will make a new plan. I tell myself the promises of Scriptures where God is my source of comfort and help and that He won’t give me more than I can bear. I ask God to help me with my attitude as I tend to get grumpy when I’m in pain that lasts for days (never mind weeks and months).
- Advil. Because of all these other ideas I have been able to cut down on how much and how often I use this OTC medication. I don’t like swallowing pills (which is why I don’t take vitamins) so this really is a last line of relief for me.
- Other ideas. Google turned up other ideas here , here and here.
- Prayer. I have asked for prayer 6 times from my church (staff prayer, gone forward at church service and attended the Wednesday night prayer for healing time). Even though I haven’t received instantaneous physical relief any of these times, I believe and know that God can and does heal in this manner. I.e. I’ve been healed from my glaucoma, but that’s another story. However I did receive emotional encouragement from the prayer which was something I also needed. If and when I feel prompted, I will ask for prayer again.
I feel much better today than I did 5 weeks ago. Pain is no longer my constant companion. Pain no longer dictates my to-do list. However, I see that I do need to maintain some of the above practices. I do need to continue with a life-style audit and continue to incorporate more healthy living practices into my life. The next practice I want to address is some way to deal with stress. I naturally hold onto stress and want/need to find ways to let it go.
Your Turn . . .
- Do you deal with a pain issue?
- Does it influence your emotions?
- What have you found that works?
- What life-style changes are you making?
- How may I pray for you?
- What is your best stress releasing idea?
Related Posts . . .