Important relationships that end with pain, misunderstanding, mistrust, and/or hate can make it very hard to form new relationships without baggage. One way to lose the baggage is to look honestly at that relationship. Yes, there was trauma. Were there also some positive aspects? Sometimes there are. Acknowledging these can help in the healing.
In the case of my divorce it wasn’t all the fault of one person. It was a mixed bag. Seeing the good in my ex has helped me have a more balanced view of our relationship. It has helped me heal. I have learned about myself, my ex, and people in general.
Here are 5 things I love about my ex that our divorce cannot negate.
1. Our children. Having our children is something I will never regret. I will always be grateful for his contribution to their being born and to the type of father he was while they grew up.
2. Memories. Even though we no longer do life together as a couple, I am grateful for many of the memories we made together. We laughed, grew, prayed, traveled, and did ministry together. We influenced some people because of our parenting and relationship.
3. My growth. I knew him for about 22 years. My ex was a major influence in my life. Much of that influence was positive. During my wacked out hormonal times, he’d remind me that we were on the same team. When I was under the influence of fatigue, he’d remind me that it wouldn’t always be this hard and relentless (raising kiddos). He helped me find balance and God.
4. My mom. My ex and my mom had a tender relationship. They talked about all kinds of things. He didn’t mind that my mom would come visit us several times a year and stay for 3 weeks or so. He was good to my mom.
5. His grandparents. When you get married you also get your new spouse’s family. Two people I got were his grandparents. From the first day I met them until their deaths, they loved me, accepted me, and spent time with me. Of course they did the same with our kiddos too. We are better people because of their friendship. They were special, special people and I miss them soooooo much.
I wrote a bullet point list of things I am grateful for about my ex here. Two items on this list (#’s 3 and 4) are also on that list
Your Turn . . .
- If you are divorced, what are some things you love about your ex?
- Or what are some things you love about an ex-friend,ex-family member, ex-room-mate, or ex-boss.